It seems I have been struggling for sometime now ... we all do at different times during our lives, and this just seems to be my "off" time. One of the hardest things for me has been my perceived distance from the spirit and the Savior. I have prayed and prayed, seen small miracles and still felt so far away from Christ. Looking back at my life, I can see the times when I have been close and I could never seem to find the reason for the great chasm between my spirit and the Savior ... well, I have finally been enlightened.
My Step-Mom, Sister Lisa and I all went to "Time Out for Women" this past weekend, presented by Deseret Book. Never having gone before, I wasn't really sure what to expect. Friday night, seemed like a bust as it was mostly music and I think we were all yearning for something a little meatier! We ended up leaving early and goofing off with treats (LOVE OLIVE TAPENADE, by the way ... seriously, my favorite!!!). We watched The Proposal, which fit the chick-flick requirement in the girls club bylaws and just relaxed.
What I was hoping to accomplish was just to take a step back, re-evaluate and take stock of my life. This is essential for me every once in a while, just to keep myself in check. After the bummer of Friday night, we went to Saturday's conference with the agreement that if it turned out to be more of the previous night, we would leave early and go sit by the pool.
Saturday turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. I heard some of the most amazing presentations and had an epiphany! Yep, a true epiphany!!! I realized that (due to a very spiritual and enlightening talk by Brad Wilcox) part of my chasm ... part of the spiritual sickness in my life was because my own view of my Savior was limited and incomplete ... let me rephrase ... I realized I was LIMITING his access and influence in my life.
I have always taken the scripture to heart ... for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do. (2N 25:23) ... but rather than revelling in the grace, I have always felt strongly, that it was "AFTER all we can do" that the Savior comes in ... I realize that I was viewing the Savior as an "in case of emergencies" rather than a companion and friend. I realized that I was severely limiting my relationship ... I started imagining what it would feel like to only call my Family members when I needed something from them ... what kind of relationship would that be?
When baptised I took upon me the name of Jesus Christ. I made the decision to be his. I became his partner in my own salvation. He did all of the work, all that is still left for me is to walk hand in hand with him through the rest of my life.
After so long ... I feel renewed. I feel hope. I feel peace. I feel blessed.
Thank you so much for your post!
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